Cheap date, football, sliders
Gratitude List: August 30, 2024
Being a cheap date. When I was in college, my buddies and I referred to lightweight or extreme dieter girls as “cheap dates" because they got drunk in just a few drinks. Well, since I started fasting, I feel like a cheap date, too. It turns out coffee hits way harder when it’s the only thing you’ve consumed in 40 hours.
I have felt deeply uncomfortable all week, but haven’t drank about it. At first I thought it was anxiety, but it’s distinct. It’s a physical tension. It kind of feels like hands are squeezing my bones. It could be upping my Lamictal or it could just be a sign that my mood stabilizers are finally working. I’m due for a depressive low and, absent Monday, I appear to have escaped it. But maybe this is what my body feels like when it’s fighting like hell to not be depressed. If that’s the case, I don’t look forward to cyclically feeling like this, just like I didn’t look forward to cyclically feeling depressed. It’s not debilitating, but it verges on it.
Having football on in the background while I worked last night. Just the sounds of it are so soothing. Terrible announcers, whistles, tackling. It’s all beautiful to me. I’m happy to know I’ll have some kind of game on every night Thursday-Sunday for months.
Taking a very long walk to the library while pushing my two children in a stroller. It was a great sweat.
Plans to make ham and cheese sliders on Hawaiian rolls to break my fast tomorrow. The recipe I found is here: https://www.southernliving.com/ham-and-swiss-sliders-7973257
Down 30 pounds since August 5th.
Making sure I made it to a Tradition meeting this morning. People moan about them, but for some reason I like them. Be still my bureaucrat heart. I think it’s a miracle how the AA organization runs—or isn’t run at all. Never seen anything else like it.
Cutting back to one Diet Coke a day.
Talking to my therapist about how to handle my family’s drama and coming up with a good solution. I refuse to set up a complete boundary—I like having a mom and siblings—but I’m going to remove myself from the situation when (not if, sadly) the drama and fighting starts.
Jack White’s new album No Name. It’s deliciously crunchy. Not a soft track on the album. And Jack’s lyrics really come through in a way they don’t always.