God is the concept "I could be wrong"

God is a lot of things. I’m told He’s all things. But one thing He is for me is the concept “I could be wrong.”

I obviously needed the humility to know I could be wrong in general, but especially because of all the things I claimed to be certain would happen, not one was positive. I always thought bad things were going to happen, so I lived every second of every day in fear. Just wondering when the universe was going to fuck me. So, God for me is what conquers that fear. I think “I could be wrong” about all the terrible things I think are going to happen, and then they aren’t so scary. I get relief.

But why do I feel like I can I say “I could be wrong”? That’s where the faith comes in. I believe “I could be wrong” about the terrible stuff I’m afraid is destined to occur because, in God’s world, something else might happen. Maybe even something good. That’s hope. Be it irrational at times compared to fear, I still want hope to guide my day, not fear.

My sponsor was telling me about his relationship with God and he says, “I’m small; God’s big. I’m certain a few bad things are going to happen; God knows there’s actually a billion possible outcomes and a lot of them could work out great for me. My pea-brain fear is wrong; God’s hope is right.” I’m not so smart with my dark ideas and brooding and loneliness. It turns out what I wore as intelligence was just fear. In general, I was just flat out wrong about what probably was going to happen next. The math was bad. As an analyst, I’d say that I did a lousy job calculating probability. I was biased toward the few bad outcomes I could see, ignoring the vast number of outcomes I couldn’t see.

To this day, my first thought is typically some dark or whiny shit. The people in my life have gotten used to me whispering terrible things under my breath. I can’t stop that aspect of alcoholism from manifesting; it wakes up with me each day, alive and well. But now when I have those thoughts, the second thing people will hear me say is, “Or I could be wrong.” And I let that fear go. Immediately. I don’t carry around that nonsense anymore. Because I could be wrong. Because my view of the world is small, and God’s world is incomprehensibly big.