You know the old phrase “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”? Well, sometimes in the workplace it feels like “Even if you have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Because compliments are tricky. They can lead to unprofessional conversation.
I’ve joked for years with other men that they should never use any time-related or volumetric words with women, especially in professional settings. Don’t discuss age, height, weight, etc. It’s dangerous to even bring up a woman’s tenure in a workplace or position because that can suggest things about her age. It’s equally dangerous to discuss food habits or diets because that can spawn uncomfortable dialogue about weight. I seriously tread lightly around all of these topics unless I’m speaking with close friends. (And lest I sound overly gendered, I know that both men and women can be sensitive about these topics, so the wisdom of being careful with them applies to all.)
But compliments, when genuine, are wonderful! They make the recipient feel good—feel noticed—which in turn makes the compliment-giver feel nice. So I’d like to share my list of what I call office-safe compliments. The trick with a lot of these is just in the noticing; you need not say if what you are noticing is good or bad.
“Did you get a haircut?” People like to tell you about their haircut. If they’re happy about it, they’ll glow. If they hate it, they’ll enjoy telling the story of their aloof hairdresser.
“Those shoes are fun.” People often are trying to make a statement with their footwear. They like an opportunity to tell the story of their shoes.
“Oh, did you get your nails done? What’s that polish color called?” This is a personal favorite for me because a manicure or pedicure is a sign of self-care, which is always good to promote, and because nail polish colors always have fantastic names. The best one I ever heard was “Sailboat Sorrows”. My first thought was What the hell does that mean?? But I bet when you read “Sailboat Sorrows” you imagined a soft blue-gray, and that’s exactly what the color was. I like to imagine there’s a guy in a room somewhere that they bring new color swatches, and when he looks at a color, without hesitation, he says something like “The Last Elephant on Mars”. And everyone else in the room just nods because that’s the perfect name for the greige, rusty red color swatch.
You’re seeing a theme, I hope. This can be done with neckties, new shirts, a bag, etc.
The safest approach, of course, is abstinence. Some reading this may be thinking it’s best to steer clear of all conversation of physical appearance. But I think it’s safe and nice to be noticed, and to notice others.